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Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ FAQ v. 1.8

Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 11:35 pm
by spudman
Quick Update: 263 games lost by Unbelievers vs. 7 games won; currently 97.3% of the people who attack me without cause lose the game. I am still running around 20-21% wins for myself.



This is a Frequently Asked Questions file for players who don't know about the Curse of the Peaceful Turtle™.

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1. What is the Curse of the Peaceful Turtle™?

If you attack the Turtle when he has either completed a continent or obviously is about to (thus removing his income), farm uninvited, or do anything which in general lux terminology would be considered "asshatting" the Turtle, you may earn the Curse™. The Curse is a probability field that makes it unlikely you will win the game. Of course, the Turtle may not win either; the Curse™ does not help the Turtle, it only harms aggressors against him.

2. How likely is it I will lose if I attack the Turtle?
As of June 28, 2007 there is a 97.3% chance you will lose the game (that is, not come in 1st) if you attack the Turtle. Currently the Turtle wins roughly 20% of these games. There is a 98% chance you will not be first. This is based on 182 games lost by those who earned the Curse™ vs. 5 games won. Updates will be posted at the top of the FAQ.

3. Who won anyway?
You know who you are.

4. What is the Turtle's philosophy of Lux?

The Turtle is basically peaceful. He likes to let others act out their aggressions and bring peace and order to the world by winning the game. However, there are Unbelievers who do not want world peace and so they attack the Turtle. The Turtle hardly ever attacks first, but of course he must eventually do so to win the game.

The Turtle's ultimate goal is to convince Dustin to allow there to be a peaceful ending to Lux; after 5 rounds with no attacks (which obviously must be mutually agreed upon) in a game at least 50 turns long, the players can declare peace and each earn +10 raw.

This gives an honorable way out from marathons, promotes peace and tranquillity and perhaps improves the public discourse in the chat.

5. Is there any time I can attack the Turtle and not be cursed?

Yes. Several. You won't earn the Curse™ if you attack:
1. singleton countries not occupied by significant numbers of Turtle armies.
2. the Turtle after he has tried to conquer you for your cards and failed.
3. any mutually agreed upon farming area.
4. the Turtle if you are making a play for an end-game and it is necessary for you to win (as the Turtle usually has no cards, this means there is usually no strategic advantage in killing the Turtle until you are about to win; thus the Turtle is next to last to die.)
5. or if...the Turtle asshatted you first. Nobody's perfect.

6. Does the Turtle play to come in 2nd?
No, the Turtle plays to win. He doesn't always achieve that.

7. Does the Turtle team?
The Turtle teams with everyone, both the people adjacent to him and others who are not.

8. Why is the Turtle a coward?
The Turtle is not a coward, he just has a different strategy than the usual Luxer.

9. Does the Turtle play for revenge?
Generally, yes. He is acting out his part of the Curse™ and will throw the game to the person who was the least aggressive towards him if possible. However, if you attack him and earn the Curse™ it does not necessarily mean he will attack you until he can't (i.e., suicide).

10. Why zero cards?
A person who eliminates the Turtle with 0 cards is most likely to be cursed. This puts you in an immediate weak position with no immediate cash of cards to support you.

11. Why Suicidal?
If the attempt to take over the world fails, the Turtle has no cards and is vulnerable, and it appears as if he committed suicide. He generally does not commit suicide without a purpose and does not consider himself a suicider in general, only under specific circumstances.

12. Isn't it stupid to give away his strategy?
The Turtle hopes others will embrace the way of the Turtle; there have been sightings of other Suicidal animals in the recent past. Will you be next?

13. How do I know if I am Cursed™?
The Turtle will tell you.

Edits 10 June 2007
14. Can a bot be cursed?
No.

15. What about twitch games? Can you Curse™ someone during Twitch?
Generally not. No time to think; alternatively, everyone's an asshat in twitch.

16. Are curses permanent?
No, they only last one game. The Turtle believes all can be redeemed.

17. Can I make my own curse or use yours?
The ability to make a functional curse is subject to the dice gods, the card gods, the placement gods, and the bots. You're free to make any curse you can make function. The Curse of the Turtle™ is reserved for Suicidal Turtle. Anyone can use a generic Turtle Curse.

18. Who was the first person cursed?
Creno.

19. Will the curse ever end?
Yes, if the World Peace rule comes into being, the Curse will be rendered ineffective.

20. Are there other curses?
As far as I know there are several curses which are rather informal but seem to exist:
The Curse of the Noob™ (The noob who suicides in his first game will always be next to the person least likely to asshat during the game.)
Hibba Jibba's Curse™(Your foolish attempts to eliminate Hibba Jibba just because you know his aliases will backfire one time out of five.)
The Royal Reset Curse™ (When playing with high-ranking Lux Royalty, some excuse will cause the game to reset repeatedly until you are last in the sequence and own 1 property on every continent.)
The Unregistered Curse™ (Unregistered players are, as a group, targets. This is not so much of a curse as a fact.)
The Perfect Start Curse™ (It is surprisingly unlikely you will win if you start a game in round 1 already owning a continent.)
The Other Significant Curse™ (Just when you are about to make a critical move, someone near and dear to you will demand your attention and ask you to stop playing That Damned Game.)
The Turtle has no statistics on these curses.

21. Has anyone else ever used a Curse™?
Suicidal Rabbit claims to have used his own with some success and has been invited to post on this thread.

22. It seems like a stupid strategy to suicide on someone just because they attacked you. Doesn't that mean you'll never win?
The Turtle wins approximately 20% of the time and is resonably ranked and seeded based on approximately 10 hours of play per week. The Curse™ does not require the Turtle to automatically suicide against an aggressor although that does happen; it's a matter of judgment. If the reaction were automatic the Turtle should just write a bot and be done with it.

23. What's the worst thing you've been called while playing?
"fucking turtle shit ass" comes to mind. The Turtle is still trying to burn the visual interpretation out of his brain. Someone once said that this FAQ would be "goddamed self-centered" if it applied only to Suicidal Turtle and not Turtles in general...and that hurt, it really did. Although it is true. Yet another person said, "You like to talk about yourself a lot," which, while hurtful and mean, is also true. :roll:

24. This FAQ is too long.
I know.

25. What do you think about Darth Vador's hosting?
Vador is as Vador does.

26. Where'd you get the turtle manual picture?
Stole it from a thread elsewhere, posted by Mud. :wink:

27. When you call someone an "unbeliever" what is it exactly they are supposed to believe in? Your divine right to sit and have everyone else let you win?
No, everyone should play to win. Unbelievers don't believe in statistics.

28. Since people know you will throw the game to the person least aggressive towards you, don't they use you to help kill off another player by encouraging the other players to attack you?
The Turtle is well aware when he is being used; if it is in alignment with the Curse™ he has no objections.

29. Have you ever been able to declare peace and end a game?
Not so far.

July 14 2007

30. What is the so-called Asshat attraction law?
The turtle believes there is a sort of magnetic attraction between himself and asshatters, which draw them preferentially to him. The force of attraction is inversely proportional to the number of times the player has played with him (people who don't know him, and learn of the Curse™, tend to attack him preferentially to test it) and also inversely proportional to the distance to his borders (they have to be adjacent to attack, a universal truth in Lux.) Without empirical data it is impossible to quantify the proportionality constant. There is an empirical constant which must be measured for each player... some people have a high asshattery coefficient (HAC). Values range from 0 - people who are afk but not bots -- to 1.0 for players such as Hibba Jibba.

31. What are the Stages of Unbelief™?
This came up in a chat the other day. The Turtle believes there are stages of Unbelief™ just like stages of grief. They are:
Unfamiliarity: You don't know the Turtle or his Curse™.
Familiarity: You've seen the curse in action and have read this FAQ or had it explained to you. However, you have yet to form an opinion about its validity.
Unbelief: You do not believe the Curse™ can work despite having seen it work right in front of your eyes.
Skepticism: You do not believe the Curse™ can work despite the statistical evidence. You do, however, think that random factors can operate in the Turtle's favor occasionally.
Astonishment: You see the Curse™ work in extraordinary circumstances, such as the Turtle coming back to win from a distant 3rd place.
Acceptance: You accept the Curse™ as statistically valid and avoid attacking the Turtle in an asshatting way.
Belief: You believe in the strategy of the Turtle™ and subscribe to his objective to get the game of Lux altered to allow peaceful endings.
Adoption: You change your screen name to include the word "suicidal" and adopt the Turtle's strategy.

32. Is there anything the Turtle would like changed in Lux?
Aside from being able to declare peace, the Turtle's wife says she hates the "death noise" and wants it changed or changeable. Otherwise it's a near-perfect game. ALL HAIL DUSTIN

33.What, precisely, is the Turtle's Asshat Magnet?
The Turtle plays best with people who don't know him at all, or people who know him very well. People who don't know him at all generally leave him alone to create world peace. People who know him very well know that the curse is powerful and can cause real effects, and thus they leave him alone. People who don't know him well, but know him, want to make an example of beating him just to prove the curse™ doesn't work. This is almost always due to the misunderstanding that the curse™ is for helping the Turtle win. It does not. It merely makes the person attacking the Turtle very unlikely to win the game.

Therefore, when several of these people congregate, they team the turtle repeatedly or attack him selectively; thus asshatting him. This makes the Turtle quite an effective asshat magnet. This has been exploited by a number of other players who simply observe the action of the Magnet then sweep in to take over the world (and avoid being Cursed™.)

34. Isn't that last entry a little whiny?
No, not at all. It's a LOT whiny. Pissy too. Whiny pissy. Wissy? Hell, half of Lux is about the Art of the Whine. The other half is the art of Disparaging the Whiny. Or Wissy.

35. Who are the victims of the curse?
The Turtle has deleted the past victims to encourage them to mend their ways.

36. Why do some people hate turtles?
Read this thread for some popular anti-turtle sentiment.
http://sillysoft.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=13025

Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 11:39 pm
by kitty on catnip
ROFL



this is the funniest thing I have ever read!! anywhere!!!

Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 11:48 pm
by Sylocat
:smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023

Finally, a good defense of the Art of the Shaft! :wink:

We all owe you one, spudman. :roll:

Re: Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ explained

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 1:53 am
by Goten6456
spudman wrote:
3. Who won anyway?
You know who you are.
I am one of those lucky souls to have breached the horrors of the curse. Do not take this curse lightly, as it is real, with few, such as myself, immune :P

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:00 am
by KingPatrick
I have to admit, spudman, that was well worth the read. A great work. Should be flagged as historical, and put in the Wiki...

There should be a POSTER campaign!

The Way of the Turtle

http://www.mile43.com/peterson/Turtle/M ... leLogo.jpg

and...

Beware The Curse of the Turtle™

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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 1:11 pm
by enjoymoreradio
Wow, that was absolutely A GLAYSHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRLOAD of AMAZING!!!...

Edit

Make that two GLAYSHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRLOADS, with that edit.

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 8:58 pm
by Teege!
ha ha ha -

i love it! I never thought of the zero card strategy...that seems to be the main difference between your and my strategies. I'm going to try it!

Re: Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ explained

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:57 pm
by spudman
Goten6456 wrote:
spudman wrote:
3. Who won anyway?
You know who you are.
I am one of those lucky souls to have breached the horrors of the curse. Do not take this curse lightly, as it is real, with few, such as myself, immune :P
Hmm. The Turtle's considered opinion is that you are not immune, just a) good and b) lucky.

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:20 pm
by Sylocat
Really? Creno was the FIRST person cursed? :shock:

Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 1:33 am
by spudman
Sylocat wrote:Really? Creno was the FIRST person cursed? :shock:
I believe so. At the very least he was the inspiration.

Suicidal Rabbit

Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 1:26 pm
by spudman
Rabbit, where are you?

Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:46 pm
by dalwhinnie
Well, I don´t really want to, but I have to write this one comment, just the first thing that comes to my mind:

Excellent, brilliant, shiny, egomanic, true (espec. 25), visionary, ingenious, hilarious, funny, comical, serious, insane, loony, raving, nuts, off-the-wall, wacky, inspiring, peaceful, pathbreaking.

:shock:

Re: Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ FAQ v. 1.3

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:49 pm
by Sylocat
Suicidal Turtle wrote:20. Are there other curses?
As far as I know there are several curses which are rather informal but seem to exist:
The Curse of the Noob™ (The noob who suicides in his first game will always be next to the person least likely to asshat during the game.)
Hibba Jibba's Curse™(Your foolish attempts to eliminate Hibba Jibba just because you know his aliases will backfire one time out of five.)
The Royal Reset Curse™ (When playing with high-ranking Lux Royalty, some excuse will cause the game to reset repeatedly until you are last in the sequence and own 1 property on every continent.)
The Unregistered Curse™ (Unregistered players are, as a group, targets. This is not so much of a curse as a fact.)
The Perfect Start Curse™ (It is surprisingly unlikely you will win if you start a game in round 1 already owning a continent.)
The Other Significant Curse™ (Just when you are about to make a critical move, someone near and dear to you will demand your attention and ask you to stop playing That Damned Game.)
The Turtle has no statistics on these curses.
An addendum to The Perfect Start Curse is that if you begin a game in round 1 already owning a continent, it is highly likely that someone will leave before their first turn is over (usually one of those things where they leave and come right back in), necessitating a reset and causing your NEXT start to have one country on every continent.

Re: Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ FAQ v. 1.3

Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 3:49 pm
by spudman
You know what would fix that? What if there was a "reset identical" function where the players still present are put in the same continents with the same armies... and can be invoked from the command line. Hmm. Then if someone "popped out and in" then you could put them right back in the same situation. Would reduce repeated resets, I think.
Sylocat wrote:
Suicidal Turtle wrote:20. Are there other curses?
As far as I know there are several curses which are rather informal but seem to exist:
The Curse of the Noob™ (The noob who suicides in his first game will always be next to the person least likely to asshat during the game.)
Hibba Jibba's Curse™(Your foolish attempts to eliminate Hibba Jibba just because you know his aliases will backfire one time out of five.)
The Royal Reset Curse™ (When playing with high-ranking Lux Royalty, some excuse will cause the game to reset repeatedly until you are last in the sequence and own 1 property on every continent.)
The Unregistered Curse™ (Unregistered players are, as a group, targets. This is not so much of a curse as a fact.)
The Perfect Start Curse™ (It is surprisingly unlikely you will win if you start a game in round 1 already owning a continent.)
The Other Significant Curse™ (Just when you are about to make a critical move, someone near and dear to you will demand your attention and ask you to stop playing That Damned Game.)
The Turtle has no statistics on these curses.
An addendum to The Perfect Start Curse is that if you begin a game in round 1 already owning a continent, it is highly likely that someone will leave before their first turn is over (usually one of those things where they leave and come right back in), necessitating a reset and causing your NEXT start to have one country on every continent.

well

Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 6:25 pm
by Steve Yo
TEll me one more tme
If you evntually hit someone you will get a card causing your zero card stratage to fail. Right?

Re: Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ FAQ v. 1.3

Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 6:44 pm
by Sylocat
spudman wrote:What if there was a "reset identical" function where the players still present are put in the same continents with the same armies... and can be invoked from the command line. Hmm. Then if someone "popped out and in" then you could put them right back in the same situation. Would reduce repeated resets, I think.
Unless, of course, the pop-out-and-in was intentional by someone jealous of a good start...

Re: well

Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 1:58 am
by spudman
Steve Yo wrote:TEll me one more tme
If you evntually hit someone you will get a card causing your zero card stratage to fail. Right?
Well, that depends, steve. After you left that particular game we were in together I eventually won it. 1 card is not worth much either as far as that goes. 2 on the other hand puts you at some risk. You can't turtle forever unless peace is declared. At some point you have to go out and pop continents or steal cards...otherwise, you're settling for playing for 2nd. I can accept 2nd, but it's not my goal. :)

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:26 pm
by dalwhinnie
QUOTE:

An addendum to The Perfect Start Curse is that if you begin a game in round 1 already owning a continent, it is highly likely that someone will leave before their first turn is over (usually one of those things where they leave and come right back in), necessitating a reset and causing your NEXT start to have one country on every continent.

COMMENT:

EXACTLY that happened to me just an hour ago.... biohazard deux, I had RUSSIA complete with lots of armies in it at the start, an --- bling --- PAPA pops out and back in: "oh, sorry, I didnotmeanto, I am in a library here, this was really just the shitty connection"

YEAH. Mon oil. (how do you spell "eye" in french?)

(I am not saying anyone did anything on purpose, but it just FUCKING happened like that....)

*sigh*

and... I did have a country in every corner of the world afterwards.....

lol

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:30 pm
by Kef
quite cranky ain't we spud?

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:40 pm
by dalwhinnie
Spudman,

is it possible to get an official licence of the Curse (tm)?

I ask because I really do believe in your way of game, but I don´t want to get into any copyright trouble with you when using the Curse (tm) on others...

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:59 pm
by Bertrand
dalwhinnie wrote:Mon oil. (how do you spell "eye" in french?)
oeil

http://french.about.com/library/weekly/aa020901h.htm

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:11 am
by spudman
Kef wrote:quite cranky ain't we spud?
Sometimes. Not always. Just like everyone else eh?

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:12 am
by spudman
dalwhinnie wrote:Spudman,

is it possible to get an official licence of the Curse (tm)?

I ask because I really do believe in your way of game, but I don´t want to get into any copyright trouble with you when using the Curse (tm) on others...
See #17. Curse away.

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:50 am
by Kef
Bertrand wrote:
dalwhinnie wrote:Mon oil. (how do you spell "eye" in french?)
oeil

http://french.about.com/library/weekly/aa020901h.htm
who ever came up with that eh?

oeil - yeux

Re: Suicidal Turtle's Curse of the Turtle™ FAQ v. 1.7 (NEW F

Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:04 pm
by Everlastingxxx
spudman wrote: Everlastingxxx (Thinks you shouldn't strike back when attacked. Posts porno links when losing) 8/3/2007
Both of these claims are untrue. I firmly believe you should strike back when attacked. And i never posted porno links. The links were to shock sites. And i did that because some players try to humiliate me by giving out a link to my record. Also, i am not a sore loser. You will always see me type gg after every win or loss.

Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 10:35 pm
by soundboy
[BUMP].

:smt020

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 12:39 am
by Llama LluxaLlot
Hee hee hee

I love this every time I read it!

:lol:

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:37 am
by paranoiarodeo
Profound Question of the Moment ...

If suicidal turtles were made of bacon ... and hamburger ... and cheese ... and sausages ...

Could we Jedi mind trick them into napping on a slow burning hardwood grill ... ?

Or would they refuse and eat themselves instead ... ?

∞ paranoiarodeo ponders this conundrum ∞

Image
Image

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:07 pm
by Odelay
yummy,

Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:38 pm
by Llama LluxaLlot
It's like something out of Drifter's dreams!

(and my nightmares..)

:shock: